I Didn't Follow the Rules

There is a beauty in farming. But, as in all things in life, there is a dark side to everything. For every four lives that are born into our farm, there is one that struggles. 

Right now, my husband is preparing to remedy the pain of one of our goats. And my heart is breaking. What? You ask? Why is your heart breaking? Aren't you hardened to the realities of life? Don't you know that you are raising meat, not pets? Yes, I know. And at the same time, no, I don't.

I know that farm animals are not supposed to have names. Farm animals serve a purpose, they are not pets. They are food providers, not household additions. But I didn’t follow the rules. I named the goats. I had daily interaction with them as we helped them birth, milked them, and assisted them through struggles. One particular goat was one of four goats born one spring, so we named them North, South, East and West.

North was the tiniest and grew ill a few days after her birth. She became a pet because I brought her into the house to care for her. For weeks she wore a diaper, slept in the corner, and grew stronger. She was always the smallest of the goats, but she was a good momma, when a year after returning to the barn, she had two kids. And two more the next and the next year. Every time we walk into the barnyard, the goats, especially North, greets us. Yes, it’s probably because we bring them food, but I also know that they enjoy a good scratch on the chin.  

During the winter, she was injured somehow and lost the use of her right, front leg. She managed to hobble about, still butting away unwanted advances. She still lifted her head in greeting when I went to the barn. Until she kidded for the last time. This year she had three of the tiniest goats. Two of them didn’t survive. The one who did is being bottle-fed as North just can’t manage. And so, with heavy hearts, we had to end her suffering. 

This is the part of farming that is toughest. The work is satisfying and hard, the weather can be a friend or foe, and the animals can be majestic or troublesome. But today was simply sad.